Sometimes it seems like you are always told that to love yourself is the
culmination of self-esteem and that you can not truly love someone else until you
love yourself first. While it is important to one to love himself, I feel that
is another super important issue we don't usually address –the way we treat
ourselves, and frankly, how it relates to love?
After all, many of us have experienced or witnessed a crazy love that
was dysfunctional. Control, paranoia, emotional blackmail, neglect, verbal
abuse and even physical violence are things you can find all kinds of close
relationships in which love plays a very big role. Some people have experienced
such behaviours themselves in their relationships and some have heard this from close
friends. Even if it is minor expressions of such behaviours, it still happens in
relationships where there is great love.
So if love can occur in a relationship so poor, why do we give so much
importance to love ourselves when our most important and intimate relationship
is with ourselves?
Love alone probably will not help us get ourselves full and true. Take a
moment and think to yourself how you treat yourself on your day to day life.
Where can you see flaws in your relationship with yourself? Maybe you drain
yourself emotionally without realizing or dwell in guilt? There may be physical
issues such as addictions or eating unhealthy and unbalanced? Perhaps you will
find that you are domineering (to others or to yourself) or you have trust
issues that can cause a distancing from friends or other important person?
You all know the phrase "treat your friends as you would want them
to treat you", and this is a wonderful behaviour principle. But I want to
add - treat yourself the way you would want others to treat you!
Loving yourself is important. But taking care of yourself, be kind to yourself
and treat yourself with dignity and objective understanding is probably more
important.
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